My students have discovered that I – old and therefore clueless – might know something worth knowing from time to time. In between learning games, they love to find out exactly what knowledge is rattling around in this aged brain o’ mine. “Mario to Luigi shitteru?” they demand. “Yeah, I know Mario and Luigi.” “Ehhhhhhhh!!!!!!” […]
The Acquisition of Language
Today’s Confession:
I am jealous of Sean because his position as a children’s karate instructor gives him the perfect excuse to punt, kick and thwack the little buggers when they misbehave, whereas I have to settle for supremely ineffective time outs.
When Worlds Collide
When my private student didn’t show up on Friday because of a business trip, I was faced with with long gaps in my work schedule. Obviously, it was the perfect time to head over to the bathroom and photograph the toilets. Don’t judge me. Toilet culture in Japan is schizophrenic, and therefore fascinating. Even after […]
Stawwwwwp … You’re Spoiling Me!
A large portion of my students are businessmen who must learn English for their jobs, but perhaps a larger percentage of my students are housewives who’ve taken up English as a hobby. A ridiculously large chunk of these 45+ women is absolutely. Freaking. Gorgeous. “How gorgeous,” you ask? Stunning gorgeous, I say. Envy of all […]
Hokey
There is just no point in introducing The Hokey Pokey to school children if you want them to learn anything at all; an adult dancing in a suit and stocking feet is ridiculous enough but the instant they hear the word “bottom,” figure out what it means and see yours seductively shaking all about, you’ve […]
Future Stars
Today, I was captivated by a teenage boy sitting across from me on the train. His finger was lodged in his nose, probing thoughtfully, seemingly without end. Though I know I shouldn’t have, I couldn’t help but peek at him from over the top of my book each time I turned a page. There he […]
F is for ….
A true story, ripped from the classroom. I give you, my 8 year old genius students’ responses to the question, “What begins with ‘F’?” Fish (thank you, Seira) Flower (very good, Koki) Friday (excellent, Ryu!) and Face of drunk (courtesy of a beaming Reisuke) Face of drunk. Obviously. A is for Apple, B is for […]
Someone’s Knocking at the Door
You never answer the door during business hours. You never, ever answer your phone when it’s a Japanese number you don’t recognize … at least not while your Japanese is still chugging along at what feels like a snail’s pace. You’re doing the best you can. Really. You’ve passed the 4-kyuu, after all. You study […]
Infanticide
Each week, children die and there is nothing their mothers and I can do but watch. They choke, gasp for air, their faces red, their chubby little arms and legs flapping wildly on the carpeted floor. “Stop it, sensei!!!” they shriek when I cruelly give them a 10-second time limit in which to color their […]
The Type-A Chronicles: Part 2
Today’s lesson for 11 year-olds was spelling. Spell cat. Spell dog. Spell hippopotamus. Spell platypus. Spell your name. Spell Shunsuke’s name. Spell Keiko’s name. Spell my name. A ha!!! I turned to my desk to pick up a sheaf of papers and when I turned back, I saw this on the whiteboard: Shunsuke is hamusuta. […]