There is just no point in introducing The Hokey Pokey to school children if you want them to learn anything at all; an adult dancing in a suit and stocking feet is ridiculous enough but the instant they hear the word “bottom,” figure out what it means and see yours seductively shaking all about, you’ve lost them for the rest of the class. From “bottom” comes “poop,” followed by “bottom power!” Ahem. We were talking about your right hand and your left hand. Put your … oh, isn’t that precious.

Bottom. That’s obviously what it’s all about.

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