Things I Do Here That I Didn’t Do There

January 28, 2011 in spazarific


In Japan:

  • Ride a bike around town
  • Speak Japanese in public; study it on the train
  • Eat aloe yogurt and sausage rolls for breakfast; tempura udon soup for lunch; a negitoro onigiri for snack; nikkujaga for dinner
  • Buy, at the grocery store, dashi, mirin, sake, konbu, and ebisen
  • Field frequent molestation attempts at the tiny hands of children
  • Take off my shoes when entering a room or a home
  • Suck green tea through my pores
  • Drink beer on the train, in front of temples, on the street
  • Wear a size 22 shoe
  • Wake to the sounds of the grilled sweet potato vendor.  焼き．．．いも．．．焼き．．．いも。。。
  • Go to sleep as my friends back home were waking up

In Ireland:

  • Rely on a double-decker bus to get around town
  • Respond to “Are you all right, there?” with “I’m grand, thanks”
  • Eat Flahavan’s porridge for breakfast; a Hanley’s Cornish pastie for lunch; Jaffa Cakes for a snack; baked Irish salmon for dinner.
  • Buy, at the butcher shop, lamb chops and bright orange Irish salmon fillets
  • Wear a size 3 shoe
  • Drink black tea like it was going out of style
  • Dodge fat black conkers on the sidewalk
  • Play with my one-eyed feline friend, Patch
  • Spend my days in the birthplace of Oscar Wilde; expecting genius to rub off
  • Wake to the sounds of birds; say goodnight to the swans on the Grand Canal on a walk home from the pub

In Italy:

  • Drive myself around; a big hearty vaffanculo to Italian drivers
  • Speak Italian all day long; swear in English in fits of road rage
  • Eat a cornetto for breakfast; pappardelle con burro e parmigiano for lunch; supplì for a snack; fiori di zucca fritte and prosciutto for dinner
  • Buy, at the grocery store, wine, parmigiano reggiano, prosciutto, anchovy fillets, cavolo romano, cornetti
  • Wake to the sounds of a screaming toddler and packs of angry stray dogs
  • Walk alongside the beach; gaze at the mountains; fill empty passata bottles with shells
  • Kiss on both cheeks to say hello
  • Write my novel at a caffe
  • Wear a size 35 shoe
  • Take the train to Rome once a week
  • Lie about my living situation to avoid small town gossip and creeps
  • Drink wine without hangovers; a mystery
  • Walk past Roman ruins on my way home

Things I do no matter where I am:

  • Say hello to cats and dogs. All cats and dogs.
  • Sing in the shower. Every morning.
  • Get hard at the thought of Duran Duran, Archie comics, monkeys, karaoke, a cosmetics department, a bottle of perfume, my next meal.
  • Celebrate Thanksgiving. Every year. Turkey or no.
  • Write in English. Every day.

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