I’m moving to Ireland today. Everyone wants to know if I’m excited. I’m not – not just yet. I’m thinking about finding a hostess gift for Sean’s aunt and uncle, getting to the airport, wondering if my suitcases are too heavy, if the plane will be delayed, if Sean and I will have an easy time finding each other at the airport. Once I get from A to B, once I smell that gorgeous green grass, take in the Georgian architecture of my new city, and tiptoe reverently through Christminster’s 700 year-old library, the excitement will shoot out of my ass in streams of rainbows, clovers, and gold. Until then, it’s all a void.
This is the third time I’ve left home for the unknown. Each time, I have a skeleton existence in my mind: I will go to New York University and live at 33 Washington Square West with girls named Momoye, Wilcox, and Branny. I will arrive in Osaka and live in a shoebox in Abeno arranged for me by my English teaching company. I will move to Dublin and stay with Sean’s aunt and uncle until we find an apartment, preferably close to the university where I will begin my master’s degree. After the bare bones come the ruminations: In New York, I’ll be mugged, raped, and killed. In Japan, I’ll eat noodles and learn Japanese in 3 months. In Ireland, I’ll say “awesome” when everyone else says “grand.” Bare bones. There will be no certainty until I am actually in the thick of it. By tomorrow, there will be new names, new faces, new dynamics, and new problems that I can’t even see now but I know enough by now to know how fast the new life rushes in. It waits for no one.
Diego and I are doing chores this morning. He’s downstairs in the laundry room and I’m cleaning out the refrigerator. I often talk about my brother’s comical dark side, but have I ever mentioned how fantastic he is? He is. He’s terrific. How terrific? Well, Diego has taken the day off from work to spend some extra time with me and will accompany me to the airport. As if he hadn’t already done enough by giving me a home this summer. Without him, I would have spent my graduate school fund on rent. I’m one of the fortunate – my family and my friends are a rock. That makes it easier and harder to leave.
The weather has turned towards the Fall here in New York. Humid, sloppy and disgusting just a week ago, we’ve swapped tank tops for windbreakers. It seems like the summer just arrived and here we are – preparing for Labor Day weekend. The last barbecues of the season and it’s back to school for little kids as well as dinosaurs like me. Tomorrow morning, I’ll be in the Emerald Isle, swapping the windbreaker for the Wellies. Yes, Sean – Wellies.
If I don’t stop typing I’ll never find something to bring Sean’s aunt and uncle.