Until the beginning of 2006, I had nightmares regularly. Some time around January of said year, they rather inexplicably ceased. For one who used to dread sleeping because of the night terrors that would come, this has been an extremely welcome change. Every once in a while, however, a new one will come. My anxiety dream from the other night:

I left my apartment building and returned to find that it had been gutted by fire. I realized with a start that Heifer had been inside and for the rest of the dream, I tried to find her. I never did.

Pretty self-explanatory, I’d think.

Sigh.

With T-minus 3 days to go until I move to Japan, I have begun to notice a shift in my attitude. Though moving abroad is something I’ve been planning for close to 8 months, it hadn’t sunk in through my interview, job negotiations, and preliminary preparations for my visa. It still hadn’t begun to sink in through the early stages of my packing and japanese study. It still hasn’t sunk in that I am moving to Japan – but it has begun to sink in that in 3 days, I will no longer be here. And I have begun to feel the onset of anxiety or panic.

It strikes early in the morning, when I first open my eyes. The physical stigma of my 4-year night job has slowly begun easing away and I am able to wake in the a.m. these days so for a good hour I stay in bed, fretting silently. Then I wake and the panic eases away as I power through my errands of the day and feel excited about the move. In searching for a coat to replace the falling-apart-at-the-seams black trench I’ve worn since 2003, I am especially eager to move to a land where small sizes are readily available. While I try to stick to eating all Western foods I still crave sushi and noodles and feel comforted that soon I shall have all I could ever want. I browse pictures, I line up my new belongings and old belongings in my lovely new periwinkle blue “spinner” suitcase and feel a satisfaction as I carefully cull the decorations I choose to bring with me to my Japanese apartment.

To my surprise, I have managed to get most of my errands done.

Thursday 12/28

• deposit funds (the loose dollars I have been storing in a jar for years)
• add acct. to paypal (to allow my transcription clients to pay me while I am abroad)
• bring shoes/clothes to be fixed/altered
• call Dell re: new external disk drive
• donate to the Salvation Army
• see “Dreamgirls” with Evan
• study Japanese

Friday 12/29

• send evite for parties
• pay utilities
• shop for coat/work clothes/travel hairdryer
• buy new wireless card
• deposit funds
• study Japanese

Saturday 12/30

• deposit funds
• study Japanese
• shop for coat
• pack
• throw out junk
  

New Year’s Eve, New Year’s Day – shot!

Tuesday 1/2

• pick up shoes
• pick up clothes
• deposit funds/inquire re: traveler’s checks
• meet Art @ 2, plan Going Away party – great success!!!
• throw out junk
  
• get watch fixed
• get glasses fixed
• donate to Salvation Army
• email Tony re: tapes
• buy combination lock for trunk
• buy Lady Speedsticks
• shop for groceries for House Cooling Party
• buy Max Factor 2000 Calories Aqua Lash mascaras

1/3 Wednesday

• clean out underneath the bed
• pay dermatologist
• deposit funds
• mail package to Lindsay
• shop for groceries for House Cooling Party
• lunch at Johnny’s Cafe in Greenpoint
• throw out junk
  

and to come:

1/4 Thursday

• exchange money to yen, buy traveler’s checks/submit change of address to bank
• mail change of address form to post office
• pay overdue fee at NYPL
• return too-small Christmas present dress to Banana Republic
• “Dreamgirls” matinee with Sam? (I LOVED IT THAT MUCH!)
• rearrange overflowing suitcases
• throw out junk
• dinner with Erma
• final night at Marie’s Crisis with Sam, Fred and maybe Evan

1/5 Friday

• lunch with Koko
• bring coins to coinstar to get cash/deposit cash
• call Global TESOL to update them on my situation and thank them for their help!
• clean up/set up for House Cooling party
• House Cooling party at 8!

1/6 Saturday

• laundry
• rearranging suitcase/final packing
• final Salvation Army trip
• last ditch coat shopping?
• Sayonara, Amerika! party at Tracy J’s

1/7 Sunday

• flight to Detroit from Newark at 9:10 a.m.
• flight from Detroit to Japan at 1:05 p.m.

So desu nee.

pluses to having a Heifer-free home for a year:

1. no more cat hair on my clothes
2. no more incessant yowling at all hours of the night
3. no more stepping on her toys
4. no more stinky fish breath in my face
5. no more having to buy cat food every two days
6. no more stepping on slimy and chunky cat vomit
7. no more having to clean up said slimy and chunky cat vomit
8. no more having to lug heavy boxes of cat litter home
9. no more having to clean up bits of carpet she uprooted with her claws
10. no more being gnawed at by sharp, pointy teeth when one was just giving her a loving pat

seriously. what a pain in the neck. Heifer who?